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The Turnip Times

The Turnip Times

Scientists Break Wind (News) With Revolutionary Fart-Sound-Changing Technology!

In an unprecedented effort to improve the general olfactory ambiance of society, scientists have developed a groundbreaking new technology…

Aug 6, 2023

Scientists Break Wind (News) With Revolutionary Fart-Sound-Changing Technology!

Aug 6, 2023

The Turnip Times

Groundbreaking” Study Finally Reveals Why Women Can’t Load Dishwashers “Properly”

In a shocking twist that no one saw coming, esteemed scientists from the highly prestigious Totally Not Made-Up University have made a…

Aug 6, 2023

Groundbreaking” Study Finally Reveals Why Women Can’t Load Dishwashers “Properly”

Aug 6, 2023

The Turnip Times

Lawmakers Push for Landmark Legislation: Ban on Gender Reveals — Saving Wildlife and Fire…

In an unprecedented move this week, representatives from both sides of the aisle have put aside their differences and united for a common…

Aug 6, 2023

Lawmakers Push for Landmark Legislation: Ban on Gender Reveals — Saving Wildlife and Fire…

Aug 6, 2023

The Turnip Times

BREAKING: UK Government Announces New Retirement Age of 110, Wheelchairs and Walking Sticks…

LONDON — In an unprecedented move aimed at strengthening the country’s economy and ensuring an evergreen workforce, Prime Minister Rishi…

Aug 5, 2023

BREAKING: UK Government Announces New Retirement Age of 110, Wheelchairs and Walking Sticks…

Aug 5, 2023

The Turnip Times

The Great Xbox vs. PlayStation War Reaches New Heights as Gamers Build Fortresses

In an unparalleled escalation of the bitter feud that has raged since the dawn of console gaming, Xbox and PlayStation fans are now…

Aug 4, 2023

The Great Xbox vs. PlayStation War Reaches New Heights as Gamers Build Fortresses

Aug 4, 2023

The Turnip Times

Oceans Throw World’s Largest Hot Tub Party, Climate Scientists Not Invited

In a shocking turn of events, the world’s oceans have decided to throw a massive hot tub party, breaking all previous heat records…

Aug 4, 2023

Oceans Throw World’s Largest Hot Tub Party, Climate Scientists Not Invited

Aug 4, 2023

The Turnip Times

Trump’s ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ Card: A Presidential Campaign!

In a move that has political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rubbing their hands with glee, former President Donald Trump has…

Aug 4, 2023

Trump’s ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ Card: A Presidential Campaign!

Aug 4, 2023

The Turnip Times

Local Residents Prepare for Severe Thunderstorm by Building Arks, Stocking Up on Unicorns

*PROVO, UT** — Panic swept through the cities of Provo, Orem, and Lehi yesterday as the National Weather Service issued a severe…

Aug 4, 2023

Local Residents Prepare for Severe Thunderstorm by Building Arks, Stocking Up on Unicorns

Aug 4, 2023

The Turnip Times

BREAKING: GOP Finally Admits Their Members Are Armadillos in Disguise!

WASHINGTON D.C. — In an earth-shattering press conference today, the Grand Old Party (GOP) has publicly confessed that many of their…

Aug 3, 2023

BREAKING: GOP Finally Admits Their Members Are Armadillos in Disguise!

Aug 3, 2023

The Turnip Times

Revolutionary Weight Loss Technique Discovered: Fasting While Sleeping!

In a stunning breakthrough that’s sending shockwaves through the dieting community, scientists have uncovered a revolutionary new weight…

Aug 3, 2023

Revolutionary Weight Loss Technique Discovered: Fasting While Sleeping!

Aug 3, 2023

The Turnip Times

The Turnip Times

Rooting out absurdities in today’s headlines with a satirical twist. The Turnip Times - unearthing humor in reality. Your source for a fresh perspective.

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