The Turnip TimesScientists Break Wind (News) With Revolutionary Fart-Sound-Changing Technology!In an unprecedented effort to improve the general olfactory ambiance of society, scientists have developed a groundbreaking new technology…Aug 6, 20231Aug 6, 20231
The Turnip TimesGroundbreaking” Study Finally Reveals Why Women Can’t Load Dishwashers “Properly”In a shocking twist that no one saw coming, esteemed scientists from the highly prestigious Totally Not Made-Up University have made a…Aug 6, 2023Aug 6, 2023
The Turnip TimesLawmakers Push for Landmark Legislation: Ban on Gender Reveals — Saving Wildlife and Fire…In an unprecedented move this week, representatives from both sides of the aisle have put aside their differences and united for a common…Aug 6, 2023Aug 6, 2023
The Turnip TimesBREAKING: UK Government Announces New Retirement Age of 110, Wheelchairs and Walking Sticks…LONDON — In an unprecedented move aimed at strengthening the country’s economy and ensuring an evergreen workforce, Prime Minister Rishi…Aug 5, 2023Aug 5, 2023
The Turnip TimesThe Great Xbox vs. PlayStation War Reaches New Heights as Gamers Build FortressesIn an unparalleled escalation of the bitter feud that has raged since the dawn of console gaming, Xbox and PlayStation fans are now…Aug 4, 20231Aug 4, 20231
The Turnip TimesOceans Throw World’s Largest Hot Tub Party, Climate Scientists Not InvitedIn a shocking turn of events, the world’s oceans have decided to throw a massive hot tub party, breaking all previous heat records…Aug 4, 20231Aug 4, 20231
The Turnip TimesTrump’s ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ Card: A Presidential Campaign!In a move that has political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rubbing their hands with glee, former President Donald Trump has…Aug 4, 2023Aug 4, 2023
The Turnip TimesLocal Residents Prepare for Severe Thunderstorm by Building Arks, Stocking Up on Unicorns*PROVO, UT** — Panic swept through the cities of Provo, Orem, and Lehi yesterday as the National Weather Service issued a severe…Aug 4, 2023Aug 4, 2023
The Turnip TimesBREAKING: GOP Finally Admits Their Members Are Armadillos in Disguise!WASHINGTON D.C. — In an earth-shattering press conference today, the Grand Old Party (GOP) has publicly confessed that many of their…Aug 3, 2023Aug 3, 2023
The Turnip TimesRevolutionary Weight Loss Technique Discovered: Fasting While Sleeping!In a stunning breakthrough that’s sending shockwaves through the dieting community, scientists have uncovered a revolutionary new weight…Aug 3, 2023Aug 3, 2023