List: Politics | Curated by The Turnip Times

Aug 6, 2023
18 stories
Politics
The Turnip Times
Lawmakers Push for Landmark Legislation: Ban on Gender Reveals — Saving Wildlife and Fire…In an unprecedented move this week, representatives from both sides of the aisle have put aside their differences and united for a common…
Aug 6, 2023
Aug 6, 2023
The Turnip Times
BREAKING: UK Government Announces New Retirement Age of 110, Wheelchairs and Walking Sticks…LONDON — In an unprecedented move aimed at strengthening the country’s economy and ensuring an evergreen workforce, Prime Minister Rishi…
Aug 5, 2023
Aug 5, 2023
The Turnip Times
Trump’s ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ Card: A Presidential Campaign!In a move that has political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rubbing their hands with glee, former President Donald Trump has…
Aug 4, 2023
Aug 4, 2023
The Turnip Times
Trump and GOP Petition to Remove “Fact” from Dictionary in Unprecedented Linguistic StrategyIn a groundbreaking move aimed at increasing the simplicity of political discourse, former President Donald Trump and key members of the…
Aug 1, 2023
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Aug 1, 2023
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The Turnip Times
Trump Pledges to Sack All Civil Servants to ‘Save on Waste’ in Dazzling Display of EfficiencyIn an unprecedented move of fiscal conservatism, former President Donald Trump has promised to completely do away with all civil servants…
Aug 1, 2023
Aug 1, 2023
The Turnip Times
Trump and GOP Deem Vaping ‘Too Woke’; Declare Preference for Old-Fashioned Lung CancerIn a surprise turn of events, the GOP, led by former President Donald Trump, have declared war on vaping, labeling it as “too woke” for…
Aug 1, 2023
Aug 1, 2023
The Turnip Times
King Charles III Shocks World: “We’re Reclaiming America… Just to Play it Safe”In a development that has left international news outlets double-checking their sources, the British Monarchy has announced plans to…
Jul 31, 2023
Jul 31, 2023
The Turnip Times
Trump Declares Mathematics a Hoax: ‘It’s All Just Numbers’In a stunning revelation that has left mathematicians, educators, and the general public in a state of bewilderment, former President…
Jul 30, 2023
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Jul 30, 2023
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The Turnip Times
GOP and Trump Call for Investigation into Santa’s Naughty or Nice ListIn what might be the most unconventional proposal of the year, the GOP, with vocal support from former President Donald Trump, have…
Jul 30, 2023
Jul 30, 2023
The Turnip Times
Presidential Brawl: Trump vs. Biden UFC Fight Slated to Determine 2024 Election OutcomeIn a move that political analysts are calling “both unprecedented and somewhat inevitable,” it has been announced that the outcome of the…
Jul 30, 2023
Jul 30, 2023
The Turnip Times
In Sweeping Fart-Focused Legislation, GOP Seeks to Ban the Classic ‘Pull My Finger’ JokeIn a bold move as fragrant as it is controversial, the Republican party, led by senators such as Ted Cruz (R-TX), has set forth to…
Jul 30, 2023
Jul 30, 2023
The Turnip Times
Headline: “Revolutionary New Drug Promises Cure for ‘Conservatism’”In a breakthrough that promises to transform the world of politics and family dinners, a team of whimsical scientists at the non-partisan…
Jul 30, 2023
Jul 30, 2023
The Turnip Times
National Outcry As New IQ Test Leaves the GOP High and DryIn an unforeseen and what some might say is a deeply ironic turn of events, all GOP members failed to clear the newly introduced minimum IQ…
Jul 30, 2023
Jul 30, 2023
The Turnip Times
American Heart Association and Tobacco Giants Declare: “Smoking is the New Cardio!”In a shocking turn of events, the American Heart Association (AHA) has teamed up with tobacco industry giants, including Marlboro, Camel…
Jul 29, 2023
Jul 29, 2023
The Turnip Times
LEGO Now Deemed More Hazardous than Guns, GOP and NRA Demand BanIn a move that has left the nation’s most passionate toy enthusiasts devastated, GOP representatives and the NRA have declared war on a…
Jul 29, 2023
Jul 29, 2023
The Turnip Times
Nigel Farage’s Library Card Suspended: The Overdue Book Scandal
Jul 29, 2023
Jul 29, 2023
The Turnip Times
British Rail Staff Strike Over Lack of Biscuits in Break RoomsIn a shocking turn of events, the British rail staff have decided to down tools and strike over what they claim is a “serious issue” — the…
Jul 29, 2023
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Jul 29, 2023
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The Turnip Times
Trump v. Kale: The Case That Had Us All Chewing Our Nails (and Kale?)
Jul 29, 2023
Jul 29, 2023